Im back~

Finally! Im back.. After such a long break from blogging, i've come back. Yes, i know a blog without pictures is kinda boring. Yes, i know a blog about an uninteresting 15 year old guy going about his life is very boring.. But well, a guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do. ********* Haiz. Reading other people's blogs are so time consuming. Managing my own? Even more so. And yet my blog is my only outlet, the only place where I can finally talk without being interrupted, to talk about me and me alone and no one else.. Its been a long time since I've had that sort of luxury. Whee~ I suddenly realize something. Im so lame. So let me tell u a story. ******** Okay. Three vampires walked into a bar. The first ordered concentrated blood, and the second ordered saturated blood. The third, however, ordered a glass of water. The first two asked him the reason behind his strange choice. He said.. "Aiyo.. Global recession lah.. I got bring my own tea bag....." =/ ***********************

Jokes! More Jokes!

The below content is not suitable for those below 18 years of age. Please do not continue if you are younger than 18 years old. Thank you. ****************************************** Having said that, I will thus say that the below is some of the less gross ones.. Enjoy! *** Ordeal of fruit You guys have probably heard this before, but.. Two guys were marooned on an island and were captured by cannibals. The caanibals told them that unless they underwent the Ordeal of Fruit, they would be killed and eaten. They were each instructed to collect 100 of any type of fruit and bring it back. So they both set off and an hour later, the first guy camme back with 20 grapes. The cannibals then ordered him to shove all 100 grapes up his asshole. If he laughed, he would be killed immediately. Before the guy even put the first grape in, he started to smile. A few seconds later, he chucklled and finally laughed out loud. The caanibals said to him, " You do realize that you are now about to be killed, right?" The guy answered, " Yes, but I just thought of my friend who's out there collecting pineapples. *** Elevators A countryside family went to the city for the first time. They were all very awed by the tall skyscrapers and many people. Somehow, the father and son and their mother got seperated. The father and son arrived in front of a metal door that opened and shut into a small metal room. Soon affter, an old woman in a wheelchair came and pressed a button on the wall. The metal doors opened, and the old woman went in. They watched in wonder as the lights on top of the metal doors lighted up one by one, then lighted up in the reverse order. When the metal doors finally opene again, a beautiful blonde woman stepped out and walked off. Man to son: "Son, go get your mother....." *** The flute player A worker at a factory had an accident with the machines one day and as a result, his penis was mangled and nearly destroyed. After over a dozen hours of grueling surgery, the professional surgeon finally patched up the poor guys member. After the surgery, the surgeon handed the man a business card. 'That's my brother," he said. "Go see him, he'll be really useful to your recovery." After taking a look at the card, the man exclaims, "But it says here your brother is a professional flute player!" "I know," said the surgeon calmly. "He's gonna teach you where to put your fingers so you dont piss in your eyes." *** Utterly helpless A man with no arms or legs was lounging by the beach. A few hot chicks came over to his spot. One of them said," Oh, poor you. Have you ever been hugged before?" The man answers no, and the girl hugs him. Another says, " Oh poor you. Have you ever been kissed before?" The man answers no, and the girl kisses him. A third one takes one look at the poor limbless man and says," Have you ever been fucked before?" The man answers no and is very excited. "Well," says the girl. "Now you will be. The tide's coming in.."

***

Size Does Matter

Three men are marooned on an island. A cannibal comes out of nowhere with a

fearsome looking spear. He says he will tell them of a place where there was a boat

if the size of all three of their penises were longer than his.

When he took out his love member, it was a whopping 20cm long.

The first guy unzips his pants and reveals a 10cm long penis.

The second unzips his pants and reveals a 9cm long one.

Knowing they had only 1cm to go to beat the cannibal, they were confident of winning.

The third guy unzips his pants and reveals a puny cock measuring 1cm.

As they were rowing away in the boat the cannibals had grudgingly gave them,

The first guy says, " You guys are lucky my kid is 10cm long.."

The second guy says, " Well, you guys are equally lucky that I have a 9cm long one."

The third guy says, "Yeah.. You guys are lucky I had an erection.."

*************************************

Dont balk at the content. No choice, its too funny not to blog..

Haha.. Sorry, all.. XD

Alive Anymore *copyrights reserved*

This is a song I wrote out of sheer boredom

Is not true

And based on the melody of Unfaithful by Rihanna..

**********

Story of my life

Searching for my rights

This life has been unfair to me...

*

Woke up with a sore

Today will be a bore

I have no idea how i know..

*

Dont like who I am

Dont like what I do

Someone tell me what to do

*

I got out of bed and slipped on my phone

and fell to the floor

I knew this day was bad before I even reached the door~

*

I can see me die-kin

*

I dont wanna do this anymore

I cant find out the reason why

Everyone thinks Im such a bore

I havent even been to Singapore

*

I dont wanna do this anymore

I dont wanna throw away my life

I dont wanna be..

*

Alive anymore..

**

Feel it in the air

I cant pretend not to care

About my state of disrepair

*

I went and brushed my teeth

Didnt even see

Took a toothbrush with someone's hair

(my sis's?)

*

And Im sure you can imagine

What happened after I did that

I ran into the bathroom and *words censored by Blogger.com*

*

I just knew Im dying

*

I dont wanna do this anymore I cant find out the reason why Everyone thinks Im such a bore I havent even been to Singapore

* I dont wanna do this anymore I dont wanna throw away my life I dont wanna be..

* Alive anymore..

More lame jokes

Boeing 747??!! You dont get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a Boeing 747 to get free peanuts. And only if MAS runs the plane. Superhero Superdilemma Batman never fights crime in neighbourhoods that needs it. I'd like to see Batman fight crime in my neighbourhood. "Robin?" "Yes, Batman?" "Didnt we park the car right here, man?" Phone Confusion A group of guys are in the locker room when a mobile phone suddenly rings. One of them picks it up. Man: "Hello?" Woman: "Well, I have the news. The house we wanted is back on the market. They're asking for $950,000. Man: "Well then, go ahead and make an offer, but make it $1.2 million so we'll be sure to get it." Woman: "OK, i'll see you later. I love you!" Man: "I love you too." The man hangs up. Then he asks, "Does anyone know whose phone this is?" Star Wars kiddo Somewhere in a city far, far away.. A kid gets a Dath Vader costume for his 3rd birthday. Turning to his father, he says in his best Darth Vader voice,"Daddy, I am your father."

Lame jokes and all the rest

Gay people invented sports. Who agrees? No? Think about it. Boxing: two topless men..in silk shorts..fighting over a belt.. -Ant- How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand. -Emo Phillips- Laundry So they're showing me, on television, the detergent getting the bloodstain out. I mean, come on, you got a T-shirt with blood all over it. Maybe laundry isnt your biggest problem right now. -Jerry Seinfeld- Every group is a racist. White folk will see a group of Indian people together and they're like, "Look at all those brown people, they're probably all very happy together". Then you get together in the same group of people, and like, "Hey, you from India? Im from India. Which part? No, not that part. Go to hell, you dirty bastard". -Dave Atell- Driving lesson Have you ever noticed that anyone going slower than you is an idiot while anyone going faster than you is a maniac? Some points parents would approve When she was in high school my sister went out with the captain of the chhess team. My parents simply loved him. They figured that any guy who took hours to make a move was fine by them. -Brian Kiley- Carrots: Vegetarians, no offence We've learned in school (Form 2 Chapter 2 Nutrition to be exact) that carrots are good for your eyesight because they contain Vitamin A. Well, why are there so many dead rabbits on the highway then? Explain that, mothers!! Disadvantages of credit cards My wife has tons of credit cards. She has so many magnetic strips in her wallet, her purse points north. -Peter Sosso- Men The problem is that God give man a brain and a penis, but only enough blood to run one at a time. -Robin Williams-