A Reminder Of Our Mortality

So today, halfway through my Law class, I got a text from my mum saying that my dad had been diagnosed with acute tonsilitis.

I swear, my blood froze. You really DON'T want anything like this to happen to you. EVER I didn't know what acute tonsilitis was, you see. It sounded like tonsils, but the acute part had me worrying. What if it's life-threatening?! I really can't imagine anything happening to my dad.

I worried through the whole of Law. I don't touch my phone in that class, period. But I had to reply my mum. She said that with immediate treatment, he should be fine.

But that's not the point. The point is.. I was scared. I was FRICKIN' scared. I don't have a great relationship with my dad, but he is my dad. I really can't imagine life without him, although we're both under no allusion that this is a reality that will take place in the future.

But you never want to receive that call, or that text. You never want to receive news that a loved one is dead, or dying. Ever.

I remember when I was about 6, my uncle passed away from goodness knows what. That was the first time I saw my dad cry. I had no idea why, but I cried together with him. I could feel the pain in his heart, the pain of losing a brother. The pain of never being able to see someone, ever again. I just wanted to hug him, let him know that everything's gonna be fine. But I couldn't. I couldn't do anything to alleviate his pain.

A student from our college passed away a month or two ago in a diving accident or something. Shu Ern, her name was. (I think) I had a friend who was apparently close to her. She came to college looking like shit. She had cried for the past few days. My heart just.. went out to her. I wanted to hug her and let her know that people could feel her pain too.. But I couldn't. I'm sorry, Rocyie, I don't know why I didn't. But I honestly wanted to.


It's just.. We're so mortal. One minute we're here, the next we may be gone. I'm constantly reminded of that, everyday when I drive on the road. One minute I might be driving normally, the next some lorry might come and smash into my car and crush me to death. Who knows, it might happen?

I don't want to launch into a cliche, long winded sermon about how you should treasure your loved ones. I just want to communicate with you.. The emotion I felt today. The whirlwind of worry I went through from one simple text. I want you to know.. This is dreadful. I just want you to know, you never want this happening to you. The rest should be clear to you.

In loving memory of a person I didn't know existed,
You were definitely cherished by those who did.

In reminiscence of everything my dad and I went through,
I love you dad.

Shit. I'm crying.

Insomnia

Insomnia

It's 2.45am in the morning. In about 3 hours, I will have to wake up, get ready and head to college for an 8am class. And no, it's not that fun. Unfortunately, I can't sleep either. Although I have had minimal caffeine, I still feel super energetic in thought. Jogging in the evening doesn't help either, I feel like I got an extra burst of energy from it. Darn it.

So, um. Focus. Today. Nothing much happened. Yesterday. Nothing much happened either. Um. basically nothing happened. Semester exam is in 3 weeks. Better start studying.